GRATEFUL

This post is a bit late, I've been a bit under the weather,

all though considering the time of year, it could also seem a bit early.

Which ever the case, I truly am G R A T E F U L ...........


GRATEFUL FOR . . .

Two + fun filled, action packed weeks in Utah with two of my best friends
(who also happen to be my Daughters)

We did lunch, we did some "window" shopping, we had some decorating brain storm sessions, we talked and laughed, we enjoyed and had fun, crazy antics in the car, we cooked, we shared joy and pain, we gave much needed love and support to each other.

Quality one on one time just me and the Grandkids

Sharing lots of . . . snuggles, giggles, jokes, heart to heart talks, secret plans, fun, and laughs, playing, reading books together, watching fun T.V. shows that make me feel like a kid again, dinosaurs, balls, dolls, kitties, hugs and kisses goodnight, prayers, games, charades, and just plain silliness.



Wonderful, caring and loving Son-In-Law's


Hard working, devoted husbands, loving involved fathers, heart to heart talks,
passionate debates, leadership.



Having all three of my children and almost all of my grandchildren all together


Three wonderful, funny, crazy, caring, loving, giving, intelligent, strong, creative, faithful and at times complicated kids.

Six lively, fun, active, crazy, silly, busy, loving, sweet, cuddly, happy, smiley, lovable, and at times temperamental grandkids.

While I was gone, I received some of the sweetest and funniest text messages from the hubby, (I still can't believe he texts, never would have believed that one) which made my heart go pitter pat, then at the end of my stay, he drove up to pick me up, and bring me home, it was so nice to see him.

I am so GRATEFUL to have these wonderful people, who all bring me so much joy in my life!

I really needed all this love and togetherness, I was feeling a bit sad prior to coming up.

Thanks, it was the best two weeks I've had in a very long time, can't wait to do it again.

My family brings me some of my greatest joys and some of my greatest sorrows, I love them more than anything, and I would do anything for any of them, I hope I have expressed my love so that each of them know how much they are loved and how much they mean to me. My life is my family.

I'm GRATEFUL for family.

GHOST WORD SEARCH

ANSWERS

SCREAM
GHOST
WITCH
GOBLIN
GHOUL
SCARE
PUMPKIN
HALLOWEEN
BLACK CAT
VAMPIRE
HAUNTED HOUSE
JACK O LANTERN
COSTUMES

(YOU CAN PRINT THIS OFF FOR THE KIDDO'S TO DO)

HAVE A SPOOKTACULAR DAY!

Raw Emotions

It's been a rough month, to say the least.
(will post more about that in detail sometime in the future)


I've had my heart ripped out, torn into a million pieces,
and then returned to my chest, broken but mending.

I've watched the lives of so many people I love and want to protect be torn apart, disrupted, and stretched thinner than I thought humanly possible. I've watched loved ones suffer, be unfairly accused and judged, and had the only love and security they know ripped away from them. I've seen faith shaken, and human rights violated, I've seen a belief system crumble right before my eyes. I've watched Nick & Melanie brave each agonizing day of this ordeal, I've watched them deal with a pain no parent should ever have to deal with, I've watched them stand strong during devastating events, most of all I've watched them survive this ordeal with love, honor and faith. I've watched a Grandchild go through more during his four months of life, than any child should have to face in a lifetime, I've watched him stay a sweet and happy little guy, even though his world as he knew it was turned up side down, he had to suffer with pain while his loving parents continued to fight to get him the medical attention they knew in their hearts he needed, he then under went surgery, CT scans, MRI's and xray's, nurse's and doctor's bugging him with one thing or another, every time the little guy fell a sleep and then he was ripped away from everything and everyone he knew, and the security that should be the right of every infant . Yet he still has a smile and a laugh every time I see him, Mason is a very special little guy.

Now this may seem like a lot of (I's) but it isn't that I'm trying to make this all about me, not at all, it's just my view of this ordeal, my observation of how it effected people, and what I hope people can take away from this devastating ordeal. I have very little control over this situation, except for the control over how I allow it to effect me, of how I act and react to the whole situation, and the control I have to keep Christ in my heart, and use this experience to become a better person and hope that I can take something away from it that will allow me to help others. I have to believe that there is some positive that can come from this horrible situation, because I don't want to believe that such a horrible thing could happen to such good people and have no reason behind it, no lessons to be learned, no help that can come of it. Because if that were true, then Satan wins, and I refuse to allow him to have such a victory over me or my family.

It's been a surreal, hellish nightmare, unfathomable,
and my emotions have been from one extreme to the other.

However, it has also been quite the learning experience.

Some things I knew and just needed a reminder of, some things I thought I knew and learned I really didn't, some things I did know and that hasn't changed, and some things I learned that were a hard lesson to learn.

However, I want to take each and every experience of this ordeal and find something I can take with me for the better, I want to learn something from each heart break, I want to some how turn each disappointment into a learning experience. I want to fight for change so that this same type of injustice and heart break won't happen to any other family. I want to stay positive and hope that I come out of this a better person, with some type of knowledge that will help me in the future, and that I can put to use to help others, in some way.

So here is some of what I've Learned;

It's enforced the things that are truly important in my life.

It's forced me to reevaluate so many things I thought and believed.

It's taught me to search for answers, not all things will be right in front of me, or easy to find.

It's taught me not to get so frustrated if I don't feel like I get the answers I want.

It's confirmed how much I love my family and friends and how important they are to me and how grateful I am for their love and support.

It's also taught me not to be so quick to feel hurt and saddened by what I perceive as a lack of support and love.

It's reminded me that unconditional love and support is one of the greatest gifts we can give and receive.

It's also reminded me to show more love and compassion towards others.

It's shown me, the importance of being more Christ like in my thoughts, words and actions.

It's forced me to see the ugly side of people and how human nature is just that "human" nature it is not of God or good.

It's taught me that even though I'm not a judgemental person by nature, I want to strive even harder not to be judgemental.

It's taught me that (judgement) is an all too common and devastating personality trait in many, and I need to be stronger and not allow it to hurt my feelings so easily.

It's taught me that Trials and Tribulations manifest a persons true character, not just for those of us experiencing them, but also of those around us who may also be effected.

It's taught me that Trials can bring out the worst, if you allow them too.

It's taught me that some people do or say things for all the right reasons, with a Christ like unselfish attitude.

It's also taught me that others do or say things veiled behind hidden motifs, and I have to prayer for guidance to be able to tell the difference.

It's taught me that not all things are always the way they may seem, that all the facts are important, and that sometimes we just don't get all the answers, and that is where faith needs to come in.

I've become very aware of how easy it is for good people, or people doing what they believe to be the "right" thing, sometimes do or say the wrong thing, because they become more concerned with their end result and less concerned about how it effects someone else. In doing this they can lose site of the truth and facts.

I've learned things aren't always what we want them to be, should be, or how they may appear.

I've learned things can be easily manipulated and widely inaccurate, and how important it is to try and prevent that from happening.

It's taught me that it is ultimately up to me, how I deal with a given situation, I can make the worse or the best out of it.

I've learned that things other people say or do, can only hurt me if I allow it to.

I've learned, that no one is perfect, and while I know that is an impossible goal to obtain, it is a goal I want to enjoy as I strive to achieve.

I've learned that I want to;


STRIVE ~ LEARN ~ GIVE

Strive, to become more Christ like in; thought, word & action.
Learn, something from all the experiences in my life.
Give unconditionally, Give more, Give from the heart.


It is through Faith in our Heavenly Father and his unconditional love,
along with the Love and Support of Family and Friends, and our own

attitude, that will be our foundation and enable us to endure all things.


It is my hope and prayer, that I will continue to open my heart and invite the spirit of my Heavenly Father to abide within, and that I may learn from this trial, that I may find forgiveness for those who have done an injustice to my family, that through this experience I will find a positive, that will touch my life and my heart so that something good can come out of this horrible ordeal.

CRAZY RIDICULOUS

Update on my walking:

No excuses, just honest journaling.
(is that a word? is that how you spell it?)

any who,

I was unable to walk for a few days, it was just too HOT!

(somewhere between 112 -118)


We tried it at 10:00 at night and even around 4:30 in the morning, nope, still too hot!

(like about 101-106)


Due to health issues and medication taken for such health issues, I have developed a "crazy ridiculous" intolerance to heat, along with the inability to "sweat" oh, I can get a bit damp from perspiration, but not enough to really sweat, which is necessary for the body to be able to cool it's self down.

Nice, since I live in the Mohave Desert.

My face turns bright tomato red, I get this killer headache, along with this wierd flutter feeling in my chest, I feel as if my blood is starting to boil, I start feeling nausea, week, dizzy, like I am going to pass out all the while this over whelming feeling of doom comes over me, and I have this overwhelming feeling to just start tearing all my clothes off (YIKES) I know, my muscles become overwhelmingly week and they start to cramp up, on occasion I have even started vomiting and passed out, oh so scary for the Hubby. Then I am wiped out for about the next 5-10 hours, I mean just out of it. Crazy Ridiculous!

So Sunday night I have the opportunity to walk on a tread mill, I'm so excited to be able to get a mile in since I hadn't been able to for a few days, awesome right, I don't have to worry about weather conditions like the "HEAT" or any thing, hey, if this works out I might just have to figure out a way to get me one of these things. RIGHT?

WRONG,

so I get on, try to figure out how to use the thing (never been on one before) woo hoo, here we go, so about twenty minutes later and I've walked a itzy bit over a mile, and I'm spent, but hey, this went pretty well, this is pretty cool, and I can do it no matter what the weather is like, I'm pumped thinking this is great, this could work.
So I get off and ....

Oh My GOSH!

I have Crazy Ridiculous, Motion Sickness!!!

Seriously, is that even possible?

The Hubby gets worried, he thinks something is wrong,

NOPE, It's just motion sickness alright, how CRAZY is that!


My body is CRAZY RIDICULOUS!

ONE WEEK!

One week down, hopefully the rest of my long life to go.

I did great SIX of the seven days, I walked about a mile or a little more each walk.

Except for Friday,

I only got to walk about a block,

Not to make any excuses, BUT,

let's just say Ricky (my mom's little rat dog) is not the best walking buddy, my Mom just insisted that I take him for what ever reason, so I thought it would be easier to take him, rather than not. WRONG!

then upon returning him home,

Well,

let's just say,

it got dark by the time I was able to leave again, and it just wasn't worth all the hassle to me. Lot's of reasons, yet again, no excuses.

I felt really bad about it, and felt like a Big Fat LOSER.

Since there are no "do overs",

I will chalk it up to the whole experience, and move forward.

I'm sure it won't be the only day I fail.

I just want to keep it real, as a journal of my progress, so I want to record the good as well as the bad.

The successes and the failures.

STUCK "WITHOUT" MY ROCK AND A HARD PLACE

Last night, (day four) of my "Walk everyday program", was the hardest for me yet.

Here are the top 5 reasons it was so tough.


5. I was in a "senior" mobile home park, and while on my walk,
not one person said to me that,
I was too young to be here.

4. While out walking, a lady who looked to be in her late seventies
sped past me and was out of sight in a flash, man did she kick my butt.
(now there is a reality check)

3. I had to listen to my Mother, tell me how dangerous it was,
for me to go out and walk by myself in the evening,
(I got the stats on how many women have been kidnapped, raped, mugged, killed)
OYVEY!

2. This place is all hills, at my house it is all flat.
Man did I ever fill the burn! (legs, lungs)
This walk, plus I think the humidity, and the little rat dog kicking my allergies in,
I had to use my rescue inhaler. (which sucks)

BUT THE NUMBER ONE REASON I FOUND IT SO DIFFICULT............

1. I did not have my ROCK with me, (the hubby)
He is my motivator, my strength, my support, my safety net.
Even though he really ticks me off because he doesn't even get the least bit
out of breath when we walk, or sore, it's like nothing to him (BRAT).
Love you Babe.

HOWEVER, I DID IT!
all by myself

(so Hollie did the song "all by myself" just pop into your head?)
(if not, I bet it did now) hee,hee.


So would it be totally wrong if I trip that old lady if I see her again tonight?


Never mind,
I just realized I couldn't catch her any way, {sigh} so sad......

Sad but True

Man, I am so out of shape!

If I wasn't so worried about my health and committed to doing something about it, I would be completely embarrassed to relate the following.

But you're all Family or Friends right, and who better to find support from. Who knows, maybe I will even be the motivation for someone else to get out and do something they need to do, or should do, but just haven't.

Okay, so Monday night we (the hubby & I) started a
"get off our butt's and do something about it walking program".

So I swear about 10 or 15 steps, um, I mean yards into it my hips hurt so bad, I wanted to cry, then another 10 or 15 yards more and the pain had spread to my knees, well during the walk, my asthma kicked in "BIG" time, my lungs hurt, I could not believe the extreme pain I was feeling pretty much from head to toe, I had to keep telling my self, "yes, it would be very sad if I stopped where I was and made him walk back to the house, get the car and come pick me up". I was having a pep rally in my own head, GO, GIRL, YOU CAN DO IT! Just a little bit further. Fight through the pain, think of the victory.

As we came around the corner of our street, and I could see our house I was just praying, I would be able to make it to the house. My legs felt so, so heavy, I could barely pick them up, I was literally shuffling along. But, I made it. Woo Hoo, about a Mile, walked with no stopping. Yippee, Man am I pathetic. If I wasn't in so much physical pain, I would have noticed the mental pain, of how MAD I was at myself, and how sad it was that this is how I felt after just a mile, of walking. Oh, so very aggravating, disappointing, and just down right embarrassing.

Can you say "P a t h e t i c LOOSER"!!!!!

That night by the time I went to bed, I thought I was dying and almost hoping I would. Even my arms hurt like heck, What is up with that? My back hurt, my legs hurt, every joint in my body was screaming with pain, I was suffering from muscle cramps all over my body, twitching, spasms, and PAIN, this continued all night long, it was so bad I couldn't even sleep. Trying to get out of bed to pee was agonizing. What had I done! I'm pretty sure this is what it would feel like to be hit by a freight train. Except then I would surely end up in the hospital, with some wonderful pain killing drug running through my I.V. with nurses waiting on me hand and foot.

{Back to Reality}

The next day I feel like I just competed in an Iron Man event. (all because of one measly mile, sigh)

So Tuesday night rolls around and the Hubby gets out the flash light, oh, man, I know what that means. My "I Love Lucy" mode kicks in, head slightly tilted, eyes rapidly moving back and forth searching the dark corners of my mind, T H I N K, let's see I could tell him I'm sick {cough, hack, sniff} yeah he would buy that, right? Or maybe "I have to get some work done, so sorry babe I just can't go tonight".

Ok, about that moment in time a scene from the movie "moonstruck"with Cher and Nicolas Cage, pops into my head, {S L A P !!! across the face, "Snap out of it"!}

Much to my surprise, during this walk it took quite a bit longer before my hips started hurting, I think we were at least about half way, and my knees, well that pain was almost tolerable this time, lots of heavy and labored breathing, bit of an asthma flair up, but NO asthma attack, and Hubby said my pace was quicker this time around. Yay for me!!!

Now don't get me wrong, I still worried if I was going to make it all the way or not, but we pushed on, again walking about a mile with no stopping, I was extremely glad when we rounded the corner and I could see our house, and I was actually stepping, no shuffle, I felt less heaviness in my legs.

So I'm hoping tonight as bed time is approaching, it goes a bit better with the pain, cramps and spasms, and that tomorrow I feel as though I was just hit by a bus, instead of a freight train. Then maybe, just maybe, in about a month or so, I will actually look forward to our walks, and stop trying to come up with reasons in my head, why I can't do it.

So, cross your fingers for me, and if you want, you can even become one of my cheerleaders, I have a feeling I am going to need it.

I Have to do this,
I Must do this,
I Will do this!
I might stumble along the way, but, I don't want to give up.