Raw Emotions

It's been a rough month, to say the least.
(will post more about that in detail sometime in the future)


I've had my heart ripped out, torn into a million pieces,
and then returned to my chest, broken but mending.

I've watched the lives of so many people I love and want to protect be torn apart, disrupted, and stretched thinner than I thought humanly possible. I've watched loved ones suffer, be unfairly accused and judged, and had the only love and security they know ripped away from them. I've seen faith shaken, and human rights violated, I've seen a belief system crumble right before my eyes. I've watched Nick & Melanie brave each agonizing day of this ordeal, I've watched them deal with a pain no parent should ever have to deal with, I've watched them stand strong during devastating events, most of all I've watched them survive this ordeal with love, honor and faith. I've watched a Grandchild go through more during his four months of life, than any child should have to face in a lifetime, I've watched him stay a sweet and happy little guy, even though his world as he knew it was turned up side down, he had to suffer with pain while his loving parents continued to fight to get him the medical attention they knew in their hearts he needed, he then under went surgery, CT scans, MRI's and xray's, nurse's and doctor's bugging him with one thing or another, every time the little guy fell a sleep and then he was ripped away from everything and everyone he knew, and the security that should be the right of every infant . Yet he still has a smile and a laugh every time I see him, Mason is a very special little guy.

Now this may seem like a lot of (I's) but it isn't that I'm trying to make this all about me, not at all, it's just my view of this ordeal, my observation of how it effected people, and what I hope people can take away from this devastating ordeal. I have very little control over this situation, except for the control over how I allow it to effect me, of how I act and react to the whole situation, and the control I have to keep Christ in my heart, and use this experience to become a better person and hope that I can take something away from it that will allow me to help others. I have to believe that there is some positive that can come from this horrible situation, because I don't want to believe that such a horrible thing could happen to such good people and have no reason behind it, no lessons to be learned, no help that can come of it. Because if that were true, then Satan wins, and I refuse to allow him to have such a victory over me or my family.

It's been a surreal, hellish nightmare, unfathomable,
and my emotions have been from one extreme to the other.

However, it has also been quite the learning experience.

Some things I knew and just needed a reminder of, some things I thought I knew and learned I really didn't, some things I did know and that hasn't changed, and some things I learned that were a hard lesson to learn.

However, I want to take each and every experience of this ordeal and find something I can take with me for the better, I want to learn something from each heart break, I want to some how turn each disappointment into a learning experience. I want to fight for change so that this same type of injustice and heart break won't happen to any other family. I want to stay positive and hope that I come out of this a better person, with some type of knowledge that will help me in the future, and that I can put to use to help others, in some way.

So here is some of what I've Learned;

It's enforced the things that are truly important in my life.

It's forced me to reevaluate so many things I thought and believed.

It's taught me to search for answers, not all things will be right in front of me, or easy to find.

It's taught me not to get so frustrated if I don't feel like I get the answers I want.

It's confirmed how much I love my family and friends and how important they are to me and how grateful I am for their love and support.

It's also taught me not to be so quick to feel hurt and saddened by what I perceive as a lack of support and love.

It's reminded me that unconditional love and support is one of the greatest gifts we can give and receive.

It's also reminded me to show more love and compassion towards others.

It's shown me, the importance of being more Christ like in my thoughts, words and actions.

It's forced me to see the ugly side of people and how human nature is just that "human" nature it is not of God or good.

It's taught me that even though I'm not a judgemental person by nature, I want to strive even harder not to be judgemental.

It's taught me that (judgement) is an all too common and devastating personality trait in many, and I need to be stronger and not allow it to hurt my feelings so easily.

It's taught me that Trials and Tribulations manifest a persons true character, not just for those of us experiencing them, but also of those around us who may also be effected.

It's taught me that Trials can bring out the worst, if you allow them too.

It's taught me that some people do or say things for all the right reasons, with a Christ like unselfish attitude.

It's also taught me that others do or say things veiled behind hidden motifs, and I have to prayer for guidance to be able to tell the difference.

It's taught me that not all things are always the way they may seem, that all the facts are important, and that sometimes we just don't get all the answers, and that is where faith needs to come in.

I've become very aware of how easy it is for good people, or people doing what they believe to be the "right" thing, sometimes do or say the wrong thing, because they become more concerned with their end result and less concerned about how it effects someone else. In doing this they can lose site of the truth and facts.

I've learned things aren't always what we want them to be, should be, or how they may appear.

I've learned things can be easily manipulated and widely inaccurate, and how important it is to try and prevent that from happening.

It's taught me that it is ultimately up to me, how I deal with a given situation, I can make the worse or the best out of it.

I've learned that things other people say or do, can only hurt me if I allow it to.

I've learned, that no one is perfect, and while I know that is an impossible goal to obtain, it is a goal I want to enjoy as I strive to achieve.

I've learned that I want to;


STRIVE ~ LEARN ~ GIVE

Strive, to become more Christ like in; thought, word & action.
Learn, something from all the experiences in my life.
Give unconditionally, Give more, Give from the heart.


It is through Faith in our Heavenly Father and his unconditional love,
along with the Love and Support of Family and Friends, and our own

attitude, that will be our foundation and enable us to endure all things.


It is my hope and prayer, that I will continue to open my heart and invite the spirit of my Heavenly Father to abide within, and that I may learn from this trial, that I may find forgiveness for those who have done an injustice to my family, that through this experience I will find a positive, that will touch my life and my heart so that something good can come out of this horrible ordeal.