THOUGHTS ON LIVING WITH . . . . . . .

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MUSCLE CRAMPS, LITERALLY HEAD TO TOE, MUSCLE CRAMPS.



I'M TALKING PRETZEL TWISTING, CRIPPLING, DISABLING, BRING YOU TO TEARS, EXTREMELY PAINFUL MUSCLE CRAMPS. FACE, NECK, HANDS, FEET, LEGS, RIBS (FRONT & BACK), BACK, CHEST. I'M TALKING PAIN SO INTENSE IT MAKES YOU SICK TO YOUR STOMACH, INTERRUPTS YOUR LIFE, KIND OF MUSCLE CRAMPS. ABSOLUTELY EXCRUCIATING!

I HAVE LIVED WITH THIS FOR WELL OVER TEN YEARS NOW, HOWEVER, IT SEEMS TO BE GETTING MORE HORRIFIC AND FREQUENT. THE PAIN IS ABSOLUTELY UNBEARABLE,YET THAT IS ALL YOU CAN DO, TRY TO BEAR IT. IT'S NOT LIKE I HAVE ANY OTHER CHOICE. FRUSTRATION IS HIGH, DOCTORS CAN'T SEEM TO FIGURE OUT WHAT IS CAUSING IT, THEREFORE, THEY CAN'T DO ANYTHING TO HELP RELIEVE IT. I HAVE TRIED EVERYTHING I HAVE HEARD, OR READ, THINGS THAT HAVE SEEMED TO HELP RELIEVE IT IN OTHERS, TO NO AVAIL.

IT COMPLETELY RAVAGES MY BODY, MIND AND SPIRIT.

THIS IS MORE THAN JUST PHYSICAL, THERE IS AN EMOTIONAL SIDE TO IT AS WELL. THE FEAR, THAT ANY MOMENT I AM GOING TO HAVE TO ENDURE THIS PAIN. HAVING IT HAPPEN WHEN I'M OUT IN PUBLIC, AND THE PEOPLE AROUND HAVE NO CLUE AS TO WHY THIS GROWN WOMAN SUDDENLY LOOKS LIKE A CONTORTIONIST AND HAS TEARS STREAMING DOWN HER FACE, WHY SUDDENLY IN THE MIDDLE OF DINNER, GAME OR A PERFORMANCE I HAVE TO GET UP AND LIMP AWAY WITH A LOOK OF SHEAR AGONY ON MY FACE. THEN THE JOY OF HAVING THIS HAPPEN MORE THAN A COUPLE DOZEN TIMES DURING THE NIGHT, UNTIL I AM SO EXHAUSTED I'M BESIDE MYSELF. ALL THE WHILE TRYING TO NOT DISTURB THE SLEEP OF MY HUSBAND.

LET ME JUST SAY, I'M NO WIMP EITHER. I HAVE AN EXTREMELY HIGH THRESHOLD TO PAIN. I'M TALKING GAVE BIRTH THREE TIMES, THE ALL NATURAL OLD FASHION WAY, (BUT IN A HOSPITAL), NO DRUGS, NO SHOTS, NO LIQUOR, AND ONE WAS OVER 36 HOURS LONG, I'M TALKING HARD LABOR. I'VE HAD TO ENDURE AN EMERGENCY D & C, IN THE ER, NO ANESTHESIA. SO BELIEVE ME WHEN I SAY THESE AREN'T JUST YOUR AVERAGE OH I HAVE A CRAMP IN MY FOOT KIND OF CRAMPS. I GET THOSE TOO SOMETIMES THOUGH.

I FEEL SO BAD FOR MY SWEET HUSBAND, AS HE SITS BY HELPLESS, SO WANTING TO EASE MY PAIN, TRYING TO DO WHAT EVER HE CAN TO HELP. I SEE THE PAIN IN HIS EYES, I KNOW THIS HAS EFFECTED HIS LIFE ALSO. THANKS, BABE I LOVE YOU FOR WANTING TO TAKE MY PAIN, I KNOW YOU WOULD IF YOU COULD.

I HAVE HAD A BAD LAST 24 HOURS OF THIS TORTURE, SO IT IS FRESH ON MY MIND.

I WRITE THIS POST NOT AS A PITY PARTY, AND NOT SEEKING SYMPATHY. INSTEAD I WRITE THIS AS A JOURNAL, A MEDICAL DOCUMENTATION OF ONE OF THE PHYSICAL DISABILITIES THAT IS A PART OF MY LIFE, AND THE EFFECTS IT HAS HAD ON ME. TO PROVIDE INSIGHT AND INFORMATION. I GUESS ALSO AS AN EXPLANATION, AS TO WHY SOMETIMES I CAN'T DO CERTAIN THINGS, YET I ALWAYS TRY, WHY SOMETIMES I MAY NOT SEEM MY SELF OR LEAVE SOMEWHERE WITHOUT A GOOD EXPLANATION. I RARELY TALK ABOUT MY HEALTH ISSUES TO ANYONE, NOT EVEN MY FAMILY, I TRY TO KEEP IT FROM EVERYONE AS TO NOT WORRY OR BOTHER THEM, THOUGH I RECENTLY FELT THAT TO BE A BIT SELFISH, FOR THEM TO NOT KNOW WHY, OR WHAT IS BEHIND SOME OF THE THINGS I MAY OR MAY NOT DO. I DON'T WANT MY FAMILY TO WORRY, JUST BE INFORMED. I KNOW ONE OF THE LAST TIMES WE WERE ALL TOGETHER I HAD A BAD ASTHMA ATTACK, AND IT REALLY TERRIFIED MY GRANDCHILDREN, I FELT SO BAD FOR THEM, SO I DECIDED AFTER THAT TO SIT THE OLDER ONES DOWN AND GIVE THEM A BRIEF DISCUSSION ABOUT IT, SO THEY WERE MORE FAMILIAR AND HOPEFULLY IN THE FUTURE IT WOULD NOT BE SO UNEXPECTED AND FRIGHTENING FOR THEM. COURSE I DON'T KNOW, MY POOR HUSBAND IT STILL SCARES HIM TO DEATH, AND SENDS HIM INTO A STATE OF PANIC AND HE HAS BEEN AT MY SIDE WITH THIS FOR ALMOST 25 YEARS NOW. SO I GUESS SOMETIMES, IT JUST SEEMS TO HELP TO GET YOUR THOUGHTS, FEELINGS, EMOTIONS OUT, TO VERBALIZE THEM OR PUT THEM IN WRITING. SO I GUESS THIS POST IS PROBABLY A BIT MORE SELFISH, MORE LIKE CATHARTIC THERAPY.

SO, FOR NOW, ALL I CAN DO IS CONTINUE TO BE HOPEFUL THAT SOME DAY THERE WILL BE A TREATMENT OR A CURE FOR THIS, UNTIL THEN I WILL PRAY FOR THE STRENGTH TO CONTINUE TO DEAL WITH IT. MY HEART GOES OUT TO OTHERS WHO MAY SUFFER FROM THIS OR ANY OTHER DEBILITATING HEALTH ISSUES, I WILL REMEMBER YOU IN MY PRAYERS.