CONVERSATIONS WITH MY GRANDCHILDREN

I WENT TO UTAH FOR A FEW DAYS RECENTLY. I REALLY GOT TO SPEND SOME ONE ON ONE QUALITY TIME WITH MY LITTLE BUGS IN THEIR OWN INVIROMENT. WE HAD SOME DEEP AND MEANINGFUL CONVERSATIONS, HERE ARE A FEW OF MY FAVORITES.


CONVERSATIONS WITH AVERY;

(LET ME SET THE SCENE FOR YOU; IT IS ABOUT 6:45 A.M. THE BOYS AND I ARE ALREADY UP, THEIR PLAYING WITH TRANSFORMERS AND WATCHING CARTOONS, THIS IS ALL TAKING PLACE IN THE LIVING ROOM, WHICH IS ALSO MY BED ROOM WHILE I'M THERE. THEN I HEAR AVERY TALKING AND SINGING FROM HER BEDROOM, SO I GO IN TO GET HER, I'M GREETED BY A BIG SMILE AND A WELCOMING HUG, THEN THESE ARE THE FIRST WORDS OUT OF HER MOUTH)


{AVERY} "THE COWS ARE OUTSIDE".

{ME} "THEY ARE?, WELL THAT'S GOOD, THAT'S WHERE COWS BELONG".


(I CARRY HER AND HER BLANKETS, PILLOW AND BABIES INTO THE LIVING ROOM AND SET HER ON THE COUCH, SHE SNUGGLES IN THEN REACHES OVER AND PATS THE COUCH CUSHION NEXT TO HER, WANTING ME TO SIT THERE. SHE CHATS TO ME FOR A GOOD 5 MINUTES NON STOP, AT ABOUT 100 MPH, AS THOUGH WE WERE TWO LONG LOST GIRLFRIENDS WHO HADN'T SEEN EACH OTHER IN YEARS, AND THERE WAS JUST SO MUCH TO SAY AND GET CAUGHT UP ON, IT WAS SO ADORABLE. THEN SHE PAUSED FOR A BRIEF MOMENT BECAUSE SOMETHING ON THE TV CAUGHT HER ATTENTION. THEN, SHE WAS BACK)


{AVERY} "WHAT DO YOU WANT TO TALK ABOUT NOW, GWAMMA?"

WOW! I WAS TOTALLY ASTONISHED AND AMUSED BY THIS EXTREMELY GROWN UP QUESTION. WERE MY EARS PLAYING TRICKS ON ME? DID MY 2 1/2 YR. OLD GRAND-DAUGHTER REALLY JUST SAID THAT TO ME? I FELT AS THOUGH I WAS IN SOME FANTASTIC TIME MACHINE OR SOMETHING, AND WE HAD JUST FAST FORWARDED TO HER AS A TEENAGER AND I WAS THERE FOR A VISIT, TRYING TO CATCH UP ON ALL THE THINGS GOING ON IN HER LIFE SINCE WE LAST SPOKE. TALKING ABOUT LIFE AND LOVE, IN ONLY THE WAY [I HAD HOPED] A GRANDMOTHER AND GRAND-DAUGHTER WOULD DO. OK, WITH THE SPEED OF LIGHT, NOW I WAS TRANSPORTED BACK THROUGH TIME, TO THE PRESENT.

{ME} "WHAT DO I WANT TO TALK ABOUT NOW?" (LAUGHING, AND QUESTIONING, DID I HEAR THAT CORRECTLY)

{AVERY} "YEAH"

{ME} (WONDERING WHEN DID SHE GET SO GROWN UP?) "WELL, WE'VE TALKED ABOUT HANNAH MONTANA, PRINCESSES, SCOBBY DOO, CROCODILES, PENGUINS & COWS, SO HOW ABOUT SHOES".


{AVERY} "OK, SHOES "CUTES" (WITH THE BIGGEST SMILE ON HER FACE, LIKE MOST GIRLS SHE LOVES SHOES)

CONVERSATIONS WITH CAIDEN;

(LET ME SET THE SCENE FOR YOU. WE ARE IN THIS SMALL LITTLE COTTAGE STYLE HOME, THAT HAS BEEN TURNED INTO A FABRIC STORE IN THIS QUAINT LITTLE VILLAGE. THERE ARE TWO WOMAN WHO WORK THERE, PLUS ABOUT 10 OR SO CUSTOMERS, INCLUDING US. OK, SO WE ARE ALL IN PRETTY TIGHT QUARTERS. WE ARE GOING DOWN ONE ROW JUST GETTING READY TO ROUND THE CORNER.)

{HEATHER} ( QUIETLY ASKS) "AVERY DO YOU HAVE OOO BUTT?"

{AVERY} "NO, OOO BUTT"

(HEATHER CHECKING HER DIAPER IN DISBELIEF, BECAUSE THE AROMA IN THE AIR SAID OTHERWISE.)

{HEATHER} "OK, WHO IS FARTING? UGH, GASP, STOP IT RIGHT NOW, YOU'RE STINKING UP THE WHOLE STORE"

{BLAISE} "IT'S CAIDEN"

{HEATHER} "CAIDEN, STOP THAT RIGHT NOW, IT REALLY REEKS."

(DISGUSTED, SHE THEN TAKES THE LEAD WITH AVERY AND ROUNDS THE CORNER FOLLOWED BY BLAISE THEN CAIDEN THEN ME. SO RIGHT AS CAIDEN ROUNDS THE CORNER.)

{CAIDEN} "MOM, IT'S NOT ME WHO IS FARTING IT'S GWANDMA"

(OK, SO RIGHT THEN, I AM THE ONLY ONE LEFT IN THIS ROW, AND I AM NOW GREETED BY A RATHER DISGUSTED LOOKING WOMAN, WHO JUST ROUNDED THE CORNER, SO SHE IS NOW ENTERING THE (HOLD YOUR NOSE, GAG ME, SOMETHING MUST HAVE DIED OVER HERE, STINK ZONE, AND YES, YOURS TRULY IS THE ONLY ONE OVER THERE, SO WHAT ELSE CAN SHE THINK EXCEPT THIS FOUL SMELL WHICH IS GAS MASK WORTHY, HAD TO BE COMING FROM ME)

{HEATHER} (LAUGHING) "NO CAIDEN, I DON'T THINK IT'S GRANDMA, I THINK IT'S YOU".

{CAIDEN} "NO, GWANDMA IS THE ONE WHO KEEPS FARTING, AND HER REALLY STINKS!" (TURNING BACK TO LOOK AT ME, AND WITH HIS FOOT UP IN THE AIR AND HIS LITTLE BUTT STICKING OUT, HE ACTS OUT) "FFFRRT, FFFRRT, THAT'S WHAT HER KEEPS DOING"

{ME} (LAUGHING, AND A BIT MORTIFIED BECAUSE OF THE LOOKS THESE WOMEN ARE GIVING ME) "HEY, I'M NOT THE ONE WHO IS FARTING, YOU BIG TEASE"

{CAIDEN} (WITH A DEVILISH MIKE MYERS FACE) "YES, YOU ARE"

(SO RIGHT AS HE IS SAYING ALL THIS, AND QUITE LOUDLY, I MUST SAY, A WOMAN ROUNDS THE CORNER AND IS ALMOST NOSE TO NOSE WITH US, AND SHE HAS JUST HEARD CAIDENS COMMENTS.)

(NOW I'M LAUGHING SO HARD THAT I HAVE TEARS RUNNING DOWN MY CHEEKS, AND I ALMOST PEED MY PANTS, NOW WOULDN'T THAT JUST BE THE ICING ON THE CAKE)

{HEATHER} "CAIDEN STOP BLAMING GRANDMA, AND NO MORE FARTING"

{CAIDEN} "BUT HER KEPT DOING THIS - FFFRT, FFFRT," (AGAIN ACTING OUT MAKING A FART WITH EVERY STEP)

{BLAISE} GIGGLE, GIGGLE, LAUGH, BUSTING A GUT!

(MAN I TELL YOU, THIS KID IS DRY CANADIAN HUMOR AT IT'S BEST, HE IS BRILLIANT, HE IS THIS COMEDIC GIANT IN THIS LITTLE BODY, THE ONLY TELL-TELL SIGN IS THAT IMPISH TWINKLE IN HIS EYE)

(NOW HEATHER AND I HAVE MADE EYE CONTACT, BOTH OF US HYSTERICAL, BOTH OF US SO IN LOVE WITH THIS TINY LITTLE FOUR YR. OLD, WHO HAS THE TIMING AND COMIC ABILITY TO RIVAL THE LIKES OF; JON HEDER, STEVE CARELL, WILL FERRELL, ADAM CAROLLA, MIKE MYERS, AND ADAM SADLER. HIS UNDERSTANDING OF THE "ART" OF TEASING FAR BEYOND HIS YEARS. WE MUST BOW TO THE MASTER!!!)

{HEATHER} (TRYING TO GAIN BACK CONTROL OF THE SITUATION, SINCE WE ARE IN PUBLIC) "OK, CAIDEN, NO MORE FARTING OR TALKING ABOUT FARTING"

CONVERSATIONS WITH BLAISE;

(NOW I DISCOVERED DURING THIS TRIP, THAT MY "LITTLE MAN" REALLY WAS TURNING INTO A LITTLE MAN, WE HAD MUCH MORE DEEP AND GROWN-UP TALKS)

{BLAISE} "GRANDMA HOW OLD WERE YOU WHEN YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO ORDER FROM THE LITTLE KIDS MENU?"

{ME} "MMMM, I'M NOT REALLY SURE, WE REALLY DIDN'T EAT OUT MUCH WHEN I WAS YOUNG, WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO EAT FROM THE LITTLE KIDS MENU ANY MORE?"

{BLAISE} "NO, I'M OLD ENOUGH NOT TOO, BUT I'M THE BIG BROTHER SO I STILL ORDER FROM IT SO CAIDEN WILL, BECAUSE HE ALWAYS WANTS TO DO THE SAME AS ME."

{ME} "WOW, THAT'S VERY NICE OF YOU, YOU'RE A REALLY GOOD BIG BROTHER"

{BLAISE} "YEAH, BECAUSE I'M OLDER BUT CAIDEN AND AVERY ARE STILL LITTLE"

{BLAISE} "GRANDMA HAVE YOU EVER GOTTEN MAD AT MY MOM WHEN SHE WAS AN ADULT?"

(NOW I WAS A BIT TAKEN BACK AT THE DEPTH AND MATURITY OF THIS QUESTION. DEEP FOR AN 8 YR. OLD)

{ME} "YOU MEAN SINCE YOUR MOM HAS BEEN AN ADULT?"

{BLAISE} "YEAH"

{ME} "HMMM, THAT'S A REALLY GOOD QUESTION BLAISE, NO I DON'T THINK I'VE BEEN "MAD" AT HER, MAYBE THERE HAS BEEN TIMES WHEN I'VE BEEN UPSET WITH HER, THOUGH."

{BLAISE} "GRANDMA, NOW THAT I'M IN THIRD GRADE, MY BEDTIME WHEN SHCOOL STARTS WILL BE LIKE 9:00."

{ME} "WOW, THAT'S PRETTY LATE"

{BLAISE} YEAH, THEN WHEN I'M IN FOURTH GRADE IT WILL BE PROBABLY SOMETHING LIKE 9:30, THEN 10:00 WHEN I'M IN FIFTH, THEN 10:30 WHEN I'M IN SIXTH, THEN PROBABLY SOMETHING LIKE 11:00 AFTER THAT, THEN WHEN I'M IN HIGH SCHOOL, I PROBABLY WON'T EVEN HAVE A BED TIME ANY MORE.

{ME} "GRANDMA DOSEN'T EVEN STAY UP THAT LATE"

{BLAISE} "I THINK THAT'S BECAUSE YOU GET UP TOO EARLY"

{BLAISE} "DID MY MOM HAVE A BED TIME?"

{ME} "YES SHE DID"

{BLAISE} "WHAT TIME DID SHE HAVE TO GO TO BED?"

{ME} "WHEN SHE WAS YOUR AGE PROBABLY ABOUT 8:00 OR 8:30"

{BLAISE} "COULD SHE STAY UP LATER IF SHE DIDN'T BUG YOU"

{ME} (SMILING) "YEAH, I'M SURE IF SHE DIDN'T BUG ME, SHE GOT TO STAY UP A LITTLE LATER"

(THEN ONE DAY WHEN WE PICKED HIM UP FROM SOCCER PRACTICE, THEY'RE WERE SOME HIGH SCHOOL AGE GIRLS, WITH A KISSING BOOTH RAISING MONEY FOR SOMETHING. AS WE WALK BY BLAISE READS THE SIGN)

{BLAISE} "WHAT IS A KISSING BOOTH?"

{HEATHER & I} "WELL, THEY ARE TRYING TO EARN MONEY FOR SOMETHING, SO YOU PAY THEM SOME MONEY AND THEY WILL GIVE YOU A KISS"

{BLAISE} "WHY WOULD YOU WANT TO GIVE THEM MONEY FOR A KISS?"

{ME} "WELL, BECAUSE THEY NEED THE MONEY FOR SOMETHING, AND THEY ARE HOPING THAT SOME BOY'S WILL WANT TO GET A KISS FROM THEM"

{HEATHER} "WOULD YOU GIVE THEM SOME MONEY FOR A KISS?"

{BLAISE} "NO"

{ME} "SILLY GIRLS, I GUESS THEY THINK IT'S A GOOD WAY TO EARN SOME MONEY"

{HEATHER} "WHY, DO YOU WANT TO HELP THEM AND GIVE THEM SOME MONEY?"

{BLAISE} "I WOULD JUST THROW THE MONEY ON THE TABLE AND THEN RUN AWAY, SO THEY COULDN'T KISS ME. I'M REAL FAST"

(AHHH, JUST WHAT WE WANTED TO HEAR, HE IS SWEET, AND HELPFUL, YET STILL NOT WILLING TO KISS A GIRL)

(OK, SO FAST FORWARD TO THAT NIGHT AT BED TIME, WHEN IT IS TIME TO GIVE HUGS AND KISSES AND SAY GOOD NIGHT)

{ME} "BLAISE GIVE ME A HUG AND KISS GOOD NIGHT"

{BLAISE} (VERY SLY LIKE, WHISPERING TO ME) "HEY GRANDMA, REMEMBER THOSE GIRLS TODAY AT SOCCER?"

{ME} "WHAT GIRLS?"

{BLAISE} "THE ONE'S WHO YOU PAY FOR A KISS" (WITH A DEVILISH FACE AND A GIGGLE)

ONE DAY JUST BLAISE AND I WENT TO TARGET, I HAD NO IDEA HOW TO GET THERE, AND I'M PRETTY SURE HEATHER WAS PURPOSELY TRYING TO MAKE ME LOOK STUPID OR SOMETHING, BY GIVING ME REALLY CRAZY DIRECTIONS. IF BLAISE HADN'T OF BEEN GOING WITH ME, I WOULD HAVE BELIEVED SHE WAS JUST TRYING TO GET RID OF ME FOR A WHILE, MMMM, THAT COULD HAVE STILL BEEN A POSIBILITY NOW THAT I THINK OF IT. SO ANYWAY, BLAISE WAS MY "TOM-TOM". HE GAVE ME PERFECT STEP BY STEP DIRECTIONS, EVEN THOUGH THERE WAS ROAD CONSTRUCTION AND DETOURS. WE MADE IT STRAIGHT THERE AND BACK, WITH NO MISS TURNS. I FOUND OUT ANOTHER DAY FROM HEATHER, THAT SHE WAS SHOCKED BECAUSE SHE NEVER GOES THE WAY HE TOOK ME, SO SHE HAD NO IDEA HOW HE EVEN KNEW TO TAKE ME THAT WAY. HE'S A GENIUS!

DURING OUR RIDE TO TARGET WE GOT TO DO A LOT OF TALKING AND CATCHING UP, THIS IS WHEN I REALIZED HOW GROWN UP, MY "LITTLE MAN" HAD BECOME. I THINK FOR NOW THOUGH, I AM GOING TO KEEP THOSE CONVERSATIONS TO MY SELF, LOCKED AWAY IN MY MIND AND FOREVER CHERISHED IN MY HEART.